Control freaks who are fond of the o-b-e-d-i-e-n-c-e word need not apply.
Yes. We have given up on our mum. She is rubbish. Useless at updating our blog. Her head is full of nonsense.
She calls it work. (She does Bed and Breakfast things) Too tedious for words.
Nope. Not even the biggest bone in the world will appease us.
Applications and CVs urgently invited.
Our new personal assistant will help us tell you about when our pal Piper came to stay
Oh and if SHE steals our blog ever again to talk about cat things then we will be not happy. Not happy at all.
31 comments:
hello red girls its dennis the vizsla dog my mama makes a gud persunal assistint and always has treets in her pockets however she is a littel strict on the o word but still i think yoo wood like her ok bye
oh dear dennis welcome and hug and love this is real time cos we are now this minute fine tuning our ad but we are not fussy no not one little bit we just want out of here oh yes we are very desperate indeed and you are the first applicant and so yes your application is accepted and please will you come by helicopter or what.
oh the O word well we are good at negotiating on that one .. your mama sounds brill ..
Now off to pack. THANK you dennis.
dear dennis it's about one hour later and you are not here yet are you coming or what??
My dear filles rouges,
My lab assistant is excellent on all counts. Treats in pockets, lax on the O word (for goodness' sake, do NOT hire Dad!), exemplary typage and shoppage. An urban intrepid (well, not as intrepid as Brisztow Jones' mom, because we don't live in NYC. A semi-urban intrepid, then).
Can we share her, do you think? You can have her M-W, and I'll have her Th-S.
Yrs. job-sharingly,
B3
Oh dear buster and to think that we feared we would have no applicants at all and now you have contacted us and we know you are seriously academic and your lab assistant sounds WONDERFUL and job sharing is a serious possibility. But Professor Buster. Please forgive Redgirls' for their lack of urbanity. What does "M-W, and I'll have her Th-S. " mean ??
Honestly we do not know!
Humbly. Ignorantly. The Rural Red Girls can only dream about what goes on in the civilised world.
We are now planning interview techniques.
Your lab assistant a serious contender.
Thank you for applying.
ginger ones XXXX
Doh! Monday - Wednesday etc.
(It's just that we are SO giddy with excitement that we can't think straight!)
Dear RedGirls: sorry you've needed to let your mum go. it is so hard to find good help these days. sadly, none of the Team-Vizsla Bronx chapter can apply at this time. (Dad likes the 'O-word' even if we're hardly ever on our leashes -- he calls it a 'Catch-22' which might be the book that Momo chewed when he was little.)
That was an awesome bone... and a nice Land Rover in the background, too.
M+J
I think my mum might be good ish.
We get to walk down to the town centre at least once a week where you can window shop for 15-20 mins to make your shopping list. What I tend to do is spend 20mins a night whispering in her ear what I would like (treats, bones, comfy beds, new bowls...) and miraculously by the next week they appear!.
She always has treats in her special treat bag which stays open for EASY and QUICK access.
Don't worry about the obedience because she does more trick work which is great fun because you just do what ever you feel like (as long as it looks cute) and you get clicked and treated.
Any pure obedience is paid for in treats.
Treats are brill - all natural whole foods or home made treats we have sardine cake, liver cake, frankfurters, chicken, peanut butter cake, PRIMULA SQUEEZY CHEESE, etc... the list goes on.
I even get to sleep on the beds.
Oh and she learns pretty quickly too.
I would love some new friends too if you want to live with me???
Dear Momo and Jozsi thank you for your honesty about your unavailability. We like you a lot. But not meant to be. And besides. TBH. Your Dad's fondness for the "O" word. Yikes!
XXX
lovely Zig pal
Well now we are all of a tizz. We wondered whether your mum might apply. So we read through her CV last night. Animal BEHAVIOURIST struck terror into our hearts. And now you are telling us it's all about fun? And treats? and beds and cuddles and rewards? oh my goodness what do we redgirls do next?
oh and besides your mum is so pretty - we would be SOOO proud to have her at the end of our leads (you haven't met the present incumbent but trust us she's not a patch)
Dear Ziggi your mum's job application is being VERY seriously considered
sisterly big ones XXX
Hey careful - my mum wants to come up to the wilds of Scotland and drive you about in your Land Rover. She really wants a Land Rover but can't afford the fuel. Maybe we could get one and just sit in it?
But can I come too? I quite like my mum and don't really want her to go away without me :-( She is training as an animal chiropractor so she can help out with sore bits too.
I'm hiding this post from my mom as she an executive secretary by trade. I don't want to loose her. However a trip to the Scottish country side to a B&B sound great. Do I need a passport for that?
Dear Charlie
Oh thank you for applying -we'd LOVE you to come and stay and we would play the BEST games and would have brilliant fun and ooo we go all weak at the knees just thinking about it.
Please don't tell your mum this because we don't want to hurt her feelings but we think she sounds a bit too hot on the "O" word for our liking. She made you take the Good Citizen Bronze and Silver awards yes? And also we are sure we remember your bemoaning her poor secretarial skills for example when she is doing exams (whatever THEY are)
Oh dear Charlie but you are SO handsome and dashing and you have such smart friends. And there are 2redgirls after all. (And we need at least 2 boys each)
Oh dear what ARE we to do?
Dearest Rocket
We think ou are the only applicant so far to have picked up on our requirement for an assistant with good secretarial skills. And yes we have noticed in the past just how efficient your mum is at dealing with your correspondence. She also ticks the "urban" box. Big time. And we'd love to meet you.
Oh dear our short list keeps getting bigger.
Hugs XXX
Maybe Hamish could come visit at the same time as Charlie, I'm sure we could work something out girls;) ?
Hamish! Naughty boy! We watch "The Apprentice" and boardroom winks do NOT impress.
BUT.
(Charlie + Hamish = oooo swoon ooo unworthy thought oh please scratch that we didn't say it oh no we didn't - cold shower here we come)
This isn't a reply to your ad as I am too young to have worked out if my olds are any good or not yet and it isn't looking so good on the ahem, "O" front so far (or should I say "No" front).
First of all I need to introduce myself to you but obviously very politely and on my back with belly fully exposed to you, as I know you ladies are very much in charge...of the boys, your mum (well kinda), the blogworld and Scotland on the whole.
My name is Kimba, I'm all of 19 weeks old and I share the same dad as Charlie Morph (so technically I couldn't steal him anyway). I live south of Edinburgh in the countryside too, but I am quite lucky as I get to go into Edinburgh quite often but my dad isn't allowed to take me anywhere near the shops as apparently, according to my mum, I am too attractive to human ladies, but I don't understand that so much.
Just for reassurance I promise not to look at any boys...I don't think I really know the difference yet...but if the blogger boys are angling for a Scottish trip it would be safe for them to come and see me too as I don't think I live much further away.
My mum has made me fully understand that the whole of Scotland is your territory as she has been reading your blog (and the others) for well over a year now (the whole time she was waiting for me apparently)...she has read me your stories ever since I arrived and you are my total heros. I have been dying to write to let you know that but I had to learn "other" things to do with "O" stuff first....Yours very humbly, Kimba
oh dear sweet little Kimba (love the name)please don't go all humble and deferential cos when we are not doing our sniff diva power things we are actually great big softies and we ADORE littly v people and we know who you are and our mum(shortly to be deposed - probably) thinks your mum Katherine sounds divine. South of Edinburgh. Then it is decided. We will meet.
And dear litle kimba now it is us who feel humble.
Oh and ps we think it will serve you well if you take a long time to kind of "get" the *O* word. Serves no purpose at all.
Where, exactly, do you live?
Mumsy ones XXX
Ooooohhhh Red Girls I can't belive you wrote back to me, my first ever letter and all, from you!!!!! I am very happy to be loved and to love any person/animal/object at all and would be hugely honoured to be loved by you in a mumsy way (I remember the story of the phantom pregnancy and all but I didn't get it)...speaking of not getting it, thanks for the advice, I'm going to listen and learn and hang off your every word...I'm starting by protesting against walking in the rain and being made to "sit" and get my bum wet in it (who do they think they are?!?!)
My mum says she isn't sure how your mum knows her but she says could you hang onto her for a bit longer as she seems very lovely in a human kindofa way...
I live in a little village called Howgate which is pretty much on the Moffat road and my mum and dad have friends and family in Hawick, Langholm and Dumfries if any of those places are anywhere near to your patch? I would love to meet you and learn how to point like you do and maybe even try on your swanky clothes in a big sisterly kindofa way...mum says you are welcome here anytime, as are the blogger boys...
PS thanks for the compliment about my name, I'm all flattered...mum says it means "bush fire" in Aborigini because of my coat colour..but none of us are Aborigini....just another I ain't gettin...
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
You girls can go on about BOYS and how wonderful they are, but Ziggi said PRIMULA SQUEEZY CHEESE again and I'm weak in the knees myself.
Take it from me, boys (at least boys without berries) have nothing on dairy products of the squeezable variety.
Yrs. slaveringly,
B3
oh dear sweet little puppy almost neighbour Kimba we love you already. We are near Lockerbie. Right. Would you ask your personal assistant to email ours on diane@murrayfield.wanadoo.co.uk and we will definitely sort out a meeting. Really looking forward to it.
Redgirls are good at recognising promising raw material .. go little mutinous person and keep on refusing to even THINK about putting your little butt down in cold/wet/inhospitable places.
And Kimba even this post has a life long lesson to be learnt. It started because we were (are) about to fire our mum. So what happens? YES! She ups her act! So remember for the rest of your life. Treat 'em mean - keep'em keen !
See you soon XXX
oh squeak with deference and respect hello Professor B3. Dear Buster (may we use your first name?) we kind of know we should be observing properly scientific parameters and we completely understand your fixation with squeezy primula and we hope you don't think us intrusive or inappropriate and we hope you don't mind us asking (please forgive us) and obviously the answer will make no difference - none whatsoever - but are you or are you not a berry boy.
respectfully and fondly yours
the redgirls
Lovely red ladies it is the best day of my life so far...an invite to meet my heros, WOW!!! I am coming over all faint but my butt aint goin nowhere near the ground no more! Oh no indeed, I am full of mutinous potential and ready to unleash it/ be unleashed (on more than one level)....
Regarding treating them mean and keeping them keen, I took the executive decision today, (which I think is very grown up at my age), to throw them a curve ball (not like the standard tennis one they throw me) once in a while, and run in the opposite direction when recalled, having of course teased them with a few steps in their direction first...I hope you think I'm a fast learner. I try my best, like today when mum praised me for pointing I spent the morning pointing for treats, mum said I was missing the point but I thought for once I was actually getting it? Hmmm.
I am beside myself with excitement at the prospect of meeting you so I can soak up all of your wisdom. Thanks to you girls my PA has realised that job security is not guaranteed in this day and age so I hardly had to even muster a whine before she told me she was on it when I suggested she email yours...who by the way does appear to be lifting her game...am I being a bit naiieve in suggesting she may be worth hanging on to for a bit longer yet?
Oh yes - Hamish and I can BOTH come! And mum CAN do the secretary thing, honest! She taught herself to touch type and even worked as one once! She's not very keen on audio typing though - too many mistakes on the part of the dictator and lots of delete key needed. Mind you with Kimba too we need a third boy...
But you could be right on the O word. Apparently my recall needs some work...
My dear filles rouges,
Sigh.
Yrs. nostalgically,
Buster
Oooohh Charlie, how exciting, a visit from the boys! I see what you mean about me causing the odd number but I think there may be solution...depending on the redgirls: Here's the plan. My bro Flynn lives fairly local and I can recommend him as a very handsome chappie having met him yesterday for the first time since we left home. Even though I fancy you both, as Flynn is my bro and you are my half bro, any natural attraction must be stifled for our own good(mum says). Boo...however, if she insists, then that would leave me and Hamish (lucky me, gorgeous boy) and the one redgirl for each of my bro's. We would need to check whether either redgirl could envisage having a toyboy though...mum says human rules for girls are 10 years up and 5 years down....what do you think redgirls????
oh dear oh dear oh dear - suddenly redgirls are feeling very old - all these rampant teenage hormones flying about. Kimba - naughty girl. I don't know if we are really supposed to tell you this but evidently our mum has emailed yours to say that you look like trouble. BIG TROUBLE! And you really are quite young to be so interested in the boys. In our day and age . . oh well never mind . . you young ones have to find out for yourselves . .
Dear Buster please call. Redgirls have decided that cerebral relationships have a lot to commend them(flutter eyelashes all the same)We are going to buy some bookish librarian spectacles.
Dear Sally you are HIRED! as our PA(when can you start? unlimited stationary use of the landrover will be written into your contract)
Yippeee, I am so flattered to be considered naughty already by the redgirls! Maybe I can meet your standards after all if I try really hard and watch and learn. My mum also thinks that I shouldn't be so relaxed about standing about while the boys have a sniff and she gets most upset if I offer them a piggyback...not sure why though, it seems like fun to me?!? I don't understand these human beans....
Yay! Mum is a poor student so could really use the work. Mind you, as we can't afford petrol we will have to walk to you and carry our luggage. We expect to be there sometime in 2009, mum says put the kettle on!
Well what can I say.. no use me putting my Mum forward for the job as she has been COMPLETELY hopeless at helping us keep our blog updated this year.
We are not quite sure how to remedy this, perhaps the clicker trick, clicking everytime she uses the computer... nope that wouldnt work as she is always on it with work. Perhaps we need to get her a trainer who would teach her that us Vizslas are very sociable creatures and like to keep our diaries up to date with our latest adventures.
Anyway.. took the chance to say a quick hi from myself and Dexter and we will do our best to get our Mum to put some new footage of us on our blog shortly
Ginger hugs and kisses
(we do enjoy reading your blog)
Girls.... I know I havnt been around for a while but I'm still here in Scotland if anyone ever comes north! I can be found on the beachs near Elgin most days and will be running riot in Ullapool in July. Kimba needs to join the GSPC Scottish branch as there are some wiry vizslas there and we sometimes see them. Plus as charlies sister I guess that makes Kimba and I Half sisters.
See you all soon
R xx
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